Persuade the Wry Functionary/Tables

Success Text

Question before the Board	Success Description
1	"A costly but possibly sensible endeavour," says the Wry Functionary. "Her Majesty's government might approach the problem along much the same lines." This constitutes, you know, as close as you'll get to approbation from the Functionary.
2	"An insalubrious neighbourhood," observes the Wry Functionary. "I doubt it will be missed."
3	"The dampness of the territory cannot be considered a merit," remarks the Wry Functionary. "But there may be a dearth of suitable alternatives."
4	"The terrain presents a suitably level surface," remarks the Wry Functionary. "Any hill or gradient adds substantially, I believe, to the costs of construction."
5	"It is a shame to have to expend so much effort on steep terrain," says the Wry Functionary. "But perhaps we have no choice."
7	"I have the gravest misgivings," […] "Consider the dangers of construction, and the further dangers should the bridge give way […]! Our fellow governments on the Surface have seen some terrible disasters in terrains such as this […]
9	"It is dangerous ground, but there is no ground that is not dangerous, […] He has become increasingly sanguine about risks as the tracks are more and more remote from London, and word of any disaster less and less likely to come back to the […] Palace.
10	"Perhaps someone with a more serious cast of mind […] would be better suited […]" At the last board meeting, His Amused Lordship asked the Wry Functionary to please stop droning on […] this […] has formed […] a mild but persistent resentment.
11	"The Commissioner. Yes." […] an admirable and devoted public servant, with […] a long experience in dealing with the Masters. […] "In recent times, however, […] she is unable to consider any proposal except through the lens of a very particular concern."
12	"Yes," says the Wry Functionary tersely. He does not expand on the vote. He does not need to. He has a number of grievances with the Contrarian: his flippancy, his arguments, his disregard for the rules of order.
13	"Our former Mayor does bring a unusual and valued perspective […] However, she has a plethora of personal political opponents, and […] her controversial reputation […] Our way might be smoother if fewer of our directors engaged in public brangling."
14	"The boardroom," says the Wry Functionary austerely, "is no place for a lance."
15	"Our former Lord Mayor did a great deal for the GHR […] she could not transform London's souls overnight […] the Wry Functionary does not admire those who are popularly elected nearly as much as those who run an efficient administration […]
16	"Furnace is an impressive person," admits the Wry Functionary. "But her natural environment, one cannot help feeling, is out on the Neath alongside the tracklayers, just as an Admiral's natural place might be aboard ship and not in an office."
17	"The Dean's intelligence is beyond question, but she is focused on impractical matters," says the Wry Functionary. "She might be better placed where she can continue work on her manuscripts."
18	[…] I don't see the Railway's mission is primarily ecclesiastical […] Are there any great theological debates in laying down track? Do we find any saints in the wilderness?" […] a very likely contingency, but it does not stop the Wry Functionary […]
19	"The Bishop of Southwark is a very volatile person," […] "London's relationship to Hell is in a delicate state just at the moment – in fact, when is it ever in any other state? – and Southwark's influence might complicate matters."
20	The Wry Functionary frowns […]. "Can we be sure we are even properly understanding our tentacled friend's contributions […]? Are we really able to make the most of his eccentric perspective? […] is it right of us to take up so much of his valuable time?"
21	"The Shuttered Palace takes a dim view of the Widow and her activities," says the Wry Functionary. "She is a menace to London, and should not be entertained here."
22	[…] Her Enduring Majesty takes a personal interest in the work of this board member – by reputation, if not through any direct communication. Those considerations do not mean that we need to continue employing her on the board, however."
23	"The members of this board really should possess a certain gravitas and level of seniority," says the Wry Functionary. "And in that respect, I do not feel our young colleague is ready for the position to which he was so unexpectedly elevated."
24	"It seems to me that the young man has a distractingly large number of duties already," says the Wry Functionary. "His ability to concentrate on the board must be very limited."
26	"Her title," says the Wry Functionary fastidiously, "was not bestowed on her by Her Enduring Majesty."
27	"I shall do just as our Rubbery friend would do, and vote yes," says the Wry Functionary.
28	"His contributions to any given debate are certainly more alarming than illuminating," admits the Wry Functionary.
29	"Cornelius is a trouble-maker," […] "Questionable learning, a great deal of misplaced daring, and a number of romantic notions that are wholly incorrect. If it were in my power, I would return him to the Tomb Colonies on a permanent basis."
30	"Throw her out," […] "I don't know who let her in […] but they cannot have properly investigated her views. Have you seen the publications she wrote, while she was still in […] Benthic?" At this, he produces from his case a dossier fully two inches thick.
32	"She's pleasant, but a bit unusual," acknowledges the Wry Functionary. "Her views may cause us some difficulty."
33	The Functionary shudders, and gives his vote. It is obvious he would rather say as little as possible about the Drummer. Perhaps he would be happiest not acknowledging that such a thing even exists.
35	"If it means we're allowed a glass of something at meetings, it will make the entire business of the board much more pleasant," says the Wry Functionary.
37	"One always has the feeling that she is in the act of gathering blackmail material," says the Wry Functionary. "It is an uncomfortable sensation to have on the board."
100	"It appears adequate to its function. Not handsome, but we wouldn't expect it to compete with the buildings in London."
105	"There is much to be said for being properly defended," says the Wry Functionary. "Or so the Admiralty insists every time it orders more cannon."
115	"It certainly makes an admirable attempt to conform to the local customs," says the Functionary. He plainly considers it to be in wretched taste.
120	"It does speak to a certain, ah, commercial vitality. A bit like a covered market." The Wry Functionary pushes the plans away, but he is willing to vote Yes.
130	"Now this is a more appropriate expression of London's presence in the distant Neath," says the Functionary, scrutinising the plans for the lion and unicorn escutcheon, and permitting himself the approximation of a smile.
140	"A very disciplined and efficient design," says the Wry Functionary. "My compliments to the architect. It lacks grandeur, perhaps, but..."
150	"A somewhat populist notion […] It should appeal to the nostalgic, the elderly, and those who have only imagined the Surface but hold it in high regard. But there are worse things than attracting that audience to the purchase of expedition tickets."
160	The Wry Functionary tilts his head this way and that, staring at the proposed station plans. "Somewhat spartan," he finally opines. "But fitting for its environs."
170	"A very proper, fitting, and suitable outcome," declares the Wry Functionary, inspecting the plans with evident satisfaction. That is to say, the line ends where it must, neither sooner nor later.
181	"A subordinate city, in fact, to London," says the Wry Functionary. "This will certainly cause the smallest amount of administrative difficulty."
182	"An admirable location," agrees the Wry Functionary. "The Magistracy will help them maintain law and order, and they'll have all the benefits of a ready water supply."
183	"The handsome sight of Balmoral castle will be cheering to them," muses the Wry Functionary. "Otherwise, being so far out in the Neath, and so distant from any sign of civilisation, they might be prone to melancholy."
184	[…] There is paperwork involved in getting close to Station VIII; and yet it is paperwork not issued by the Wry Functionary's department, or by the Shuttered Palace at all. […] But after a little reflection, he appears to conclude that it will suit.
185 - 187	"It is very far out," says the Wry Functionary, […]. "But not so far that Her Majesty's influence and patronage cannot extend there." This way of looking at things has surely not occurred to the tracklayers, and would not be welcome to them if it had.
200	"The Neath is a dangerous place," says the Wry Functionary. "It's wise to be prepared for it."
205	"Anything of an illegal nature, of course, we wouldn't want to encourage," says the Wry Functionary, tapping his upper lip […] "But even legitimate organisations now and then have reasons to transport things without drawing undue attention to them."
210	"These are costly upgrades, but they will pay for themselves […] The Wry Functionary caps his argument with an anecdote about being seated next to a Baron at the opera. […] would certainly not have taken place if the opera offered only wooden seats […]
220, 230	"I suppose we have no good alternative," says the Functionary morosely.
240	"It is unfortunate.[…] But there is an order to things, and we take a serious risk with the fabric of society when we ignore it. Some of us are old enough to remember, a little, the chaos just after the Fall. One cannot resume such a situation as that!"
250	"I suppose it is not so much money, after all," says the Functionary, obviously straining himself to see your side of the matter.
260	"Better not to distract ourselves from the work of building the railway," says the Functionary. "What good would it do us, anyhow?"
270, 280	The Functionary votes yes, though with some dark comments on the Admiralty and the problems it sometimes causes for hard-working civil servants.
400	"It is best to do these things on a regular schedule," the Wry Functionary remarks, without enquiring into when they were last issued.
500	[…] "The land beyond the mirrors […] should be treated with due caution […] though in saying this, I would not wish to […] place a negative or adversarial construction upon […] the court of Her Enduring Majesty […]" The Board Secretary writes this down as a Yes.
510	"I will vote in favour on the condition that trained and competent hellworm handlers are provided," […] "With affidavits and sufficient insurance to cover the loss of the tracks with all the workers." The Board Secretary makes a note of these clauses […]
700	"A wise choice," he says. "Indeed, likely the only one that the Shuttered Palace wishes to see."
710 - 720	"If we must," he says. But it is clear he would prefer the Unyielding Highlander for the position, and is going along now only for calculated motives of his own.
800	"He'll do, for the present," says the Wry Functionary. "Perhaps we could regard it merely as an 'acting' appointment."
850	"I can only suppose that my colleagues have proposed him out of rank curiosity as to what he will do," says the Wry Functionary. "It is clear that calm heads will not prevail here. So I vote yes, if I must."
905, 910	The Wry Functionary waves this through without comment. The theological and parish-political nuances of the affair do not concern him.
1000	"This arrangement has the benefit of being easily understood and framed in human terms," […] "It is not a good idea to enter into contracts based on other forms of Neathy law and culture." From his tone, he has encountered such cases before […]
1010	"I will vote yes, though with some reluctance and concern," says the Wry Functionary. "I cannot help feeling that we are entering into an arrangement without perfectly understanding either the bargain or the bargain-makers."
1020	"I will vote yes […] But I am deeply troubled by the tone and spirit in which this document was drawn up. It seems to reveal a reforming zeal – or worse – and I would be very sorry indeed to see any further arrangements […] formulated in such terms."
1030	"It is a complex but understandable arrangement," says the Wry Functionary. "I applaud the parties who helped to draw it up." Wiki note: Retired
1100 - 1110	"Traditionally matters of outright war are left to another department," […] "But one might interpret the present question as more a matter of logistics and supply, placing it properly within the duties of a civil servant. I will vote Yes on that basis."

Failure Text

Question before the Board	Failure Description
1	"A costly approach, but there are times when circumstances justify the outlay. We might undertake an independent commission, if there are any doubts about the practicalities; it would not extend the project, I imagine, by more than a year or two..."
2, 3, 9	"I am no expert in rails, although of course I was called upon to investigate the state of some building from the earliest days just before the Fall. On the basis of that question, I must ask whether the proposed terrain is sufficiently level […]"
4	"It might be a plain," admits the Wry Functionary, unable on this occasion to draw any very dire conclusions from a […] map. "On the other hand, one has heard dismaying things about the grasses there, and their effect on the health of the tracklayers."
5	"Hills," says the Wry Functionary, "are expensive to build over, and even more expensive to remove."
7	"That is not Henlys Gorge we are proposing to build over, I hope," says the Wry Functionary, voice lowered. When he is assured that this ravine is not Henlys Gorge, however, he does not look very much more comfortable than he did before.
10	"His Amused Lordship has impeccable social credentials," observes the Wry Functionary. "It would be a great pain to lose him and the access that he represents."
11	"She was placed with us by the Masters and the Bazaar," says the Wry Functionary. "That is a relationship which is best not overly strained."
12	"For board stability, we should keep him," says the Wry Functionary in a strangulated voice. He obviously does not relish the prospect, but he can be high-minded at need.
13 - 19, 21, 23, 37	"Maintaining a consistent vision on the board is important," says the Wry Functionary. "No serious civil service project ever takes on anyone for a period of less than five years. We would be well-advised to place a similar premium on stability."
20	"Maintaining a consistent vision on the board is important," says the Wry Functionary. "As is keeping one's investors in a positive frame of mind."
22	"There are reasons," says the Wry Functionary slowly, "why Her Enduring Majesty takes a personal interest in the work of this board member – by reputation, if not through any direct communication."
24	"His turns of speech do enliven the meetings," says the Wry Functionary. "One savours his unusual mode of expression."
26	"There are powerful forces within the Palace who would be displeased […] better not to go into detail – the affairs of the Duchess should not be too casually revealed. But while I sympathise […] I would very likely be taken to task over her dismissal."
27	"It requires a little janitorial attention whenever it vacates its seat," says the Wry Functionary. "But otherwise it is no burden to this board. Let's allow it to stay, and turn our attention to more serious concerns."
28	"Nonsense," […] "It's plain that the boy is scarred – perhaps even somewhat disturbed. But I can't help thinking these meetings are a help to him. Calm, regular, human presence, and a plate of tea-cakes. Does him a world of good."
29	"I don't care for him," […] "But I do pity him. He was badly broken; it is one of those affairs of the heart that never ends well in London. As for his actions, it might be easier to keep an eye on him if we are in regular contact."
30	"Keep your enemies close," says the Wry Functionary. "She is a danger, and I would prefer not to be involved with her in any respect. But if she is here, then we know where she is."
32, 35	"She is not doing any harm," says the Wry Functionary. "And we should not be in a hurry to make changes unless there is some positive reason to do so."
33	The Wry Functionary's face goes entirely still. "I do not wish to vote for this," he says. "Please leave me out of it."
100	"It looks a bit tumble-down," remarks the Wry Functionary dubiously.
105	"It is ill-advised to prepare for a war one does not wish or intend to fight," says the Wry Functionary. "It sends the wrong message."
115	"It is garish and distasteful in the extreme," says the Wry Functionary. "Nor can I imagine such imitations to be a welcome form of flattery, from Hell's perspective."
140, 150	The Wry Functionary loses no time in pronouncing the proposed plans hideous and unfitting a company with any regard for its own dignity.
160	The Wry Functionary is unconvinced of the benefits of laying track through a frozen wasteland, but he won't explicit why.
170	"Does it not require a little more review?" asks the Wry Functionary. He sounds like a man playing a part on stage which he has not rehearsed and whose purpose he does not quite understand.
181	"Certainly not," […] "It would cause overcrowding, and complicate the administration […] He has a good deal to add […] No one is listening by the time he finishes, but there is an atmosphere of silent respect for the Functionary's staying power.
182	"I hate to raise the point," […] "But as that particular region is of special interest to the Creditor, […] I wonder whether it might not be ill-advised to, ah, trespass? I think we could find another locale that might be deemed more suitable."
183	"Don't we think it is a trifle disrespectful to put persons of, shall we say, a naturally rebellious character, in a place which still in essence belongs to the Royal Family?"
185 - 187	"Much too far from London," pronounces the Wry Functionary. He is willing to admit that someone might, for some reason, wish to visit that district – why else have a railway, after all? But living there? That is certainly beyond contemplation.
205	"I have doubts about whether there is any legitimate purpose behind this proposal," says the Wry Functionary. "To me, it looks like the groundwork for a smuggling operation."
220	"That would be a highly unorthodox arrangement. No other business in London extends itself so far for its workers."
230	"That would be a highly unorthodox arrangement. No other business in London extends itself so far for its workers. And we would not want to be responsible […] by establishing the example that workers should revolt against all their employers […]
270, 280	The Wry Functionary raises doubts about the costs and difficulties of the project. You have the sense that the anomalous block displeases him on aesthetic grounds.
400	"In the present budgetary conditions, I believe it would be unwise," says the Functionary.
500	"There is some light that should not draw us closer," says the Wry Functionary.
510	"If there is any truth in names," says the Wry Functionary, "then I strenuously advise against engaging the services of anything entitled 'hellworm'."
710 - 720	"One would prefer a Castellan with a stronger sense of allegiance to Her Enduring Majesty," observes the Wry Functionary.
850	"I would prefer a more sober-minded individual," says the Wry Functionary. "One less engaged with fantastical theories. What if he halts tracklaying in order to dig up some new creature out in the wastelands?"
931, 933 - 934	"Ideally, no such concessions would be required," the Wry Functionary says. "We should not encourage the Tracklayers to indulge in such manipulative tactics."
932	"It sets a rather dangerous precedent," [...] an anecdote about requisitioning slips [...] Some members [...] object that this is an unrelated matter and that the Prehistoricists are working on a scientific project. The Functionary remarks, "So was the Admiralty," [...]
1000	"This will have the very worst effect on out coffers," says the Wry Functionary. "I cannot advocate for it."
1010	"I cannot tell what half the clauses here are about," says the Wry Functionary. "And as to the rest, I can only regret having understood them. They are not edifying; they do not reflect a sound scientific understanding, in my view."
1020	The Wry Functionary refuses to vote for […] 'the work of a set of anarchists'. There is a passing reference to the Captivating Princess amongst his complaints […] when others […] ask him to expand […] he goes silent, and even more grumpy than before.
1030	"Absolutely not," the Wry Functionary says. "This document is an incomprehensible tangle and no one in their right senses would sign it." Wiki note: Retired
1100 - 1110	"There might be advantages," says the Wry Functionary. "But then again, we might throw off certain delicately balanced alliances."