Treasures of the Neath (Guide)

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What needs work: An approximate action cost (or Echo value) for getting these things would be nice touch to inform the curious. Also please feel free to add any qualities/items that you feel are fitting, but are missing from here (format is acquisition then value and uses description).
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This page contains details about Fallen London Actions.


COME ONE COME ALL! With the TREASURES of the NEATH GUIDE to the BAZAAR'S FIFTH CITY, all shall GLIMPSE the EXCEPTIONAL and EXCLUSIVE CONDITIONS AND ITEMS known ONLY to the MOST OUTSTANDING of INDIVIDUALS! MARVEL at the UNFEASIBLE BENEFITS of these SINGULAR QUALITIES! BE AWED by the EYE-WATERING PRICES and IMPLAUSIBLE PRECONDITIONS of GREAT ITEMS!

Here lies a list of Qualities and Items, with pointers and links about their acquisition, that are generally:

  • very expensive and/or time-consuming to acquire/raise,
  • have zero or few actual uses, and
  • are achieved/collected almost purely for the sake of vanity/perfectionism/realizing personal dedication.

This Guide is mainly a collection of these things and their procurement, made to serve people with such ambitions, and to provide (lightly humorous) relative perspective of their value for the curious. They mainly stand as goals to dedicated endgame Players. Read with caution and in stable sitting position in case of fainting!

This guide only includes qualities/items that are currently obtainable. Any vanities that require FATE expediture should be marked accordingly.

Items[edit]

Physical items. Mostly. Things that show up under the "Possessions" Tab.

The T8 Collection[edit]

"All the Jewels in your crown"

Collect all 11 of the most valuable items (known as T8 items) in each category, that are worth ~1562.50 E apiece. Simple as that! As a fun fact, one of them is only available for roughly 2 weeks each year. (Side-note: You don't want to get that many )

These items are pure value, they are not equip-able. Their uses are rare (or non-existent) but who knows when an opportunity could come up? And most of them can be easily sold to the Bazaar anytime should you need quick cash.

Item Source(s)
  • Create one in your own lab! Takes more than 3 full days of action with a maxed Lab and students (recommended)
  • Hunt it for great expense at the University (not-recommended, the same amount of resources, if used in the Lab, would produce almost 2 whole Theorems)
Only during , exchange a for it
Exchange a for it, after reaching
Create it from a vast collection of toxic ingredients
Fully investigate certain machinations for London's future after completing the Railway. (Currently only one is obtainable!)

Items of T8 value[edit]

"You are on this list, but we do not grant you the rank of a T8."

These items are in the same value-range as the "true" T8s above (mostly because they cost a T8 to acquire), but they don't represent the pinnacle in a specific item category's tier list and/or act more like additional items of high value.

Item Source(s)
Make it in from
Exchange , , , and (total value of 1,560 E ) for it as a courier. Used to create the above.
Warning: You can only have a maximum of 1 of this item at any given time. Receiving other sentiments while in possession of one is locked. As such, holding onto this item is detrimental as it locks the creation of other Station 8 items.
While reliving the events of Mr Chimes' Grand Clearing-Out in using The Sacroboscan Calendar (possible every few months due to rotation, currently not available), sacrifice one of 8 specific T8 items when Building a Parabolan Device
Spend or and , along with a trifle representing the faction, to craft these.
Give to the Unsanctioned Relicker.
Discordant Studies
Discordant Studies
Discordant Studies
Regain a Buy it with at the after finishing the Railway. (One is gained during the story but it gets used up.)

[edit]

"Immortality is (not) cheap" (E 160 000)

In Fallen London, you can just buy immortality in one of the shops! Might be a little expensive though.

Even with the best of the current money-making methods, it takes ~6-7 months of real time grinding, if you use all 144 of your actions each day to make the needed Echoes. If that seems like a lot just remember that a few years ago it would've taken more than 1,5 years. Consult this page: Money-Making.

However it does completely wipe on demand (although drinking it directly gives annoying dreams), gives an instant way out from being dead, and a taste can even be offered to friends!

A Miniature Hellworm with vital accessories[edit]

"Ain't it cute?"

The Hellworm can be bought for 200 000 at Upper River. But that is only the beginning... It can be upgraded for the same price! After that, accessories may be bought (for the same price) with questionable usefulness.

Similarly to the Cider, even with the current best grinds, getting 200 000 takes ~4-5 months of real time grinding, provided you use all 144 of your actions each day. Not to mention getting Scrip is generally more convoluted. Consult this page: Hinterland Scrip-Making

On the positive side, it can be milked ("worm gacha") after sufficient play-time on its card (8 actions without upgrade), which produces a random liquid from the game chosen from 33. These liquids can stretch from a single bottle of to (which was previously FATE-locked) and , one of the T8 items. The upgrade offers a chance to reduce the time between milkings. The accessories do not.

  • ( 200 000) Companion "The first step."
    • Very fluffy
    • Unlocks milking capabilities
    • Can be turned into Transport
  • ( 400 000) Transport "Terrorizing the Hinterlands with a friend""
    • Adds another option to its card, which produces 50% more milk and a free Dreaded boon
    • Transport instead of Companion
    • Strict Best-in-Slot item for and shared Best-in-Slot for
  • ( 600 000) Boots "You don't really need those."
    • About as good as a , but about 666 times as expensive and infinitely more stylish. Presumably.
  • ( 800 000+) Infernal "Can you still call it snake oil if the snake in question is a worm?"
    • Shiny (we assume).
    • Does literally nothing, according to the purchasing option.
    • Infinitely rebuyable; get 7 tins ( 2 000 000) for the ultimate sense of pride and accomplishment
  • Your Very Own Miniature Hellworm... 2! ( 600 000) Companion "(There is an alternative.)"
    • Fulfills the completionism instinct
    • Allows one to reach 2 (when equipped alongside the saddled one)
    • Technically allows for more outfit flexibility

(FATE)[edit]

Companion "SEVEN INTO SEVEN INTO SEVEN"

Combine 14 Overgoats into 7 Übergoats, then those into this pinnacle of goats! (Goats bought separately!)

It removes all the amazing stats the previous Goat-steps provide, but it does grant , which is pretty cool, right? Right?! You can also build a statue for it at the , and it has an option on a Hurlyburly card.

Total costs:

[edit]

Affiliation "Pardon me, haven't we already met?"

Have a statue of yourself at each and every station of the Great Hellbound Railway. All of them. And pay an extra of , , and . See Statues at the GHR Stations (Guide) for more details.

Important note: any statues to entities other than yourself can be only reset at the cost of 10 Fate! Balmoral is the only exception.

It's Worst-in-Slot and Shared Best in Slot ! Woo-ho! You're everywhere! It's hard to be sneaky like that!

Station Self-statue requirement
21
21
21
5, 5, exactly 2, , ,
  • 20 or
  • 10 or
  • or
  • 50, 5, 5, , : 230 - The Rivalry between London and the Khanate or
  • is: Hardly Changed, is: A Crimson Violist or A Doctore of the Guild, , , or
  • 8, 40, "You must have concluded an exceptional Monograph"
  • 4 or
  • or
  • or
21

[edit]

Companion "A prized artifact of the RNGods"

Has "Guide": Bundle of Oddities (Guide)

Hit the exact value of 1000 (chance of 1/1000) from . Has no use, naturally. Only 2 actions give high enough Bundle values to even have a chance. These are:

[edit]

Weapon "Giving up on giving up everything"

Has Guide: Seeking Mr Eaten's Name (Guide)

Walk the entire self-destructive path of SMEN, famous for its painful and arduous ways, and choose to turn back at the very end. Hope you like candles!

As a consolation, this is the Best-in-slot slot item for BDR and allows a variant path to crafting the Jaguar Blade in . Is it worth it scarring yourself forever just for that? You decide!

[edit]

Home Comfort "Taste the neathbow!"

You will need one of each of the seven colours of the neathbow (so you don't need a Sun-Stamped one). Every colour has a different way of obtaining it and you will also need to obtain 7 empty ones for you to fill.

After obtaining all of the boxes you only need to go to the , commission it with 10000 in The Inorganic Sciences Wing and you'll have your very own Neathoscope to show at parties. (Party uses not included. In fact, it has no uses beyond its stats.)

Mirrorcatch Box Overview
Colour Place Storylet
Empty Fiddler's Scarlet
Reach towards the shore ( Airs 0-49, rare success)
Give a speech in Ealing Gardens/ Jericho Locks (rare success)
Any Mirrorcatch Box in your Inventory[1]
Peligin
Violant
(gives )
Apocyan
Viric
Cosmo­gone
Irrigo
Rat Market ( Rat-Moon: Blue or Soft[2])
Gant
Rat Market ( Rat-Moon: Hard or Runny[2])
Sun-Stamped FATE
Neathoscope
  1. ↑ Using the boxes where they are required will usually also return an empty box to you.
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 (currently Hard)

(You don't need a Sun-Stamped box for this item!)

[edit]

Home Comfort "A grander and more opulent version of yourself"

Has Guide: The Temple Club (Guide)

You'll need to use one of your 3 temple club invitations that you can get via an access code for free to get into . You will also need the following items. Bring them, because you wont be able to get them once you're there, and will need to use another invitation to reenter.

  • 10
  • 7
  • 10
  • 25

Then Commission a portrait on the storylet Influence the Spirit of the Age.

(FATE)[edit]

Companion "Meow""

This one is only available to Exceptional Friends: spend to buy all five cats in , equip all of them, and meet this sought-after tabby in the .

Neither Horatio nor his five feline companions are useful statistically or mechanically, except for their ability to be used for a certain other feline vanity...

[edit]

'Genius.' Well, of course. About time.

Has Guide: Short Stories (Guide)

A Short Story of this caliber takes at least to write, and seven to guarantee (though the math works out that it's best to chance it with two). Considering Trade Secrets are given out at a rate of once per month, and are actually useful, this is quite an undertaking. They're also useless, aside from a use while Seeking (that removes the item) and selling it for far less than it is worth.

[edit]

The sacrifices we make to horticulture.

Has Guide: Tournament of Lilies (Guide)

While not quite as action intensive as most others on this page, it will take a significant toll on your sanity. It involves arranging plant battles with other players, and emerging victorious from the tournament. The battles consist of weighted luck checks based on the level of your plant; winning will progress you to the next tier of battles, while losing will take you back a level and eat some CP besides. It has no uses, but you do get an item that does when you win.

Hearts' Game Rewards[edit]

Officially, Hearts' Game is played purely for the love of it.

Has Guide: Hearts' Game (Guide)

Along with various economy items, the of Hearts' Game can be spent on various equipment pieces.

Action Item Cost () Description Requirements
The imposing metal meathook 60 Shared Best-in-Slot Weapon 7
The ampoule of thick black liquid 60 Home Comfort which reduces Wounds gain 7
A nod from Mr Hearts 500 Affiliation which grants and reduces Suspicion gain
The blood-coloured sapling 500 Home Comfort of unknown stats Winning a run in each of the six seasons
The book in charred and blackened leather 500 Shared Best-in-Slot Weapon, grants

The final three items require a total of 1500 and thus 1500 actions. Additionally, they require various Distinctions to unlock: four team composition-based Distinctions that require both time and luck to draft suitable teams for; the , which requires winning a run with the difficulty-increasing Embalmer's Mark; and each of the seasonal distinctions, which requires winning a run every month or so for an approximately six-month period.

Qualities[edit]

Metaphysical items. Mostly. Things that show up under the "Myself" Tab. Some of these are commonly referred to as Vanity Qualities.

The Main Four[edit]

Each of the four Main Attributes has a special Quality associated with them. All of them have the same maximum value, 21, and only this maximum level counts as the full completion. Except for , they require stats around 300 (with equipment) to reach the highest levels.

Attribute Name ~ E Cost ~Action cost
1900 N/A
3613.6 25
N/A N/A
0 2480

[edit]

"Where did my eyebrows go?"

Ah

Likely the most useful of the Vanity Qualities, having a good range of uses (see the above guide for all uses). Tends to crop up in new content too! Reaching level 21 gives the quality description "Courier's Footprint" (very fancy!). Enables a statue of yourself at .

Journey includes:

[edit]

"That dumbwaiter is HOW long?"

Has Guide: Twilit Smuggler (Guide)

Has only a single use, which is for building a statue of yourself at .

Journey includes:

  • Having 40 to even begin
  • Smuggling a bunch of exotic items to a Surface agent with very little compensation
  • Need for a good amount of expensive items (including , , , , and , among other things)
  • Succeeding on higher and higher checks
  • Base of 215 (without equipment), and a half developed Railway

[edit]

"Liberator of Stoves!!"

Has Guide: Defender of Public Safety (Guide)

Apart from allowing yourself another statue at , this also enables the freeing of a Stove!

Journey includes:

[edit]

"All this honey is purely for my artistic inspirations"

Has Guide: Poet-Laureate (Guide)

Another statue for you, this time at . That's all. (No, that one option doesn't count!)

Journey includes:

  • Getting purposefully banished, then restored to the Court of Her Enduring Majesty
  • Getting high on Honey to get inspired. Honey can be gotten from your Lab (400 actions slower, but free) or from the Bazaar (faster, but halves the EPA)
  • Writing many, many Minor Works
  • Having 290

Paramount Presence[edit]

"Join me for a ride, peasant!"

Has Guide: Paramount Presence (Guide)

Embark on a journey to collect London's Innards! Well, not literally. Should being a normal Person of Some Importance not cut it for you, step beyond! Cycle through all the 4 specializations, proving your fame and influence in London! Drive, dreams, money, and desires shall be tested!

With such status you can:

Requirements apart from grinding 12 7 times to go between specializations (one is needed to claim and one is needed to go between specializations in each case):

Innard Options
  • 40
  • 90
  • All three 5-card Lodgings
  • Married (NPC or Player)
  • High values of all Dream qualities (around 15 in each)
  • 10,000 E
  • specific 4 of the T8 items
  • 50 and 50
  • 21
  • 40 and

Of course, the true vanity would be achieving all 12 despite needing only 4.

[edit]

"That one with all the weasels."

This quality is obtained by getting 400 Lucky Weasels and drawing an opportunity card. This is quite easily obtainable, costing only one action and 160 echoes, and you don't even lose the weasels. However, this quality can be increased to level 2.

To do this, you must unlock and spend 400 actions gifting your weasels to fingerkings as homes. After getting 400 Weasels of Social Discomfiture you will have to wait for another opportunity card, which will raise you to 2

[edit]

"This was a mistake. A terrible, terrible mistake."

Purchase 400 , and draw the card You Appear to have Purchased an Extraordinary Number of Weasels of Woe. As each Woesel is 400 echoes, achieving the title of Woeseller costs E 160,000: precisely the same as Hesperidean Cider. For rather obvious reasons, we recommend purchasing immortality before purchasing four hundred cursed mustelids whose mere presence causes you harm.

This remarkable achievement has no uses, but receiving it does immediately drive you insane, which could be considered a consolation prize.

Noman Tattoo[edit]

"We'll laugh about this in a year..."

Has Guide: Noman Tattoo (Guide)

Keep your (from ) alive until arrives during the to get a private tattoo of your noman. Likely requires a few months of preparation to stock up on and materials to buy from the Urchins when the Season comes.

Its uses are purely sentimental - that is to say, there aren't any.

The cooler Noman Tattoo[edit]

"The little ramekin is empty. Your mouth is cold with grief. The last of the snow is finally gone."

Has Guide: Noman Tattoo (Guide)

Keep your (from ) alive until De Gustibus arrives during to serve it, and feast on its memories. Requires 36000+ Echoes worth of Tears and Pails, for approximately 2300 .

Its uses are also purely sentimental.

The Union of Lions (FATE)[edit]

"I said, meow"

Has Guide: A Cub's Education (Guide)

Collect 15 unique cats and introduce them to a curious little cub in the The Dome of Scales, Becoming, only available after a Parabolan War victory by the Cats. Currently requires at least some FATE-locked cats.

It is, of course, completely useless. You can keep introducing cats even after you get it, though. Meow.

[edit]

"Cities are odd beasts, don't you find?"

Study the Prelapsarian history of the Red Science 5 times, with slightly different extra requirements each time.

There are, of course, no actual uses.

Requires:

  • & 1000
  • &
  • &
  • &
  • 5 *
  • 2

They each earn a T7 item, as well as a heap of lore. Assuming for simplicity's sake you can earn 27 Research per action, the whole undertaking takes about 500 actions and earns about 3.1 EPA from the items you get along the way. But if you are reading this guide, you probably don't care about the money, do you, [gendertitle]?

[edit]

"It's been a year. An entire year."

If one wishes to make Hellworm Cheese, one must start with . This, of course, means that obtaining and milking a Hellworm is a prerequisite vanity. Now, to actually turn the milk into cheese, one must submit it to the Questionable Cheesemonger during Whitsun, and then pick it up next Whitsun. In other words, even with the best possible grinds, getting Hellworm Cheese takes at least 12 months of real time waiting, even if you use all 144 of your actions each day..

As consolation, submitting your first piece of cheese to De Gustibus rewards you with 312.5E worth of assorted items, and it can be sold to the Bazaar for 62.5E afterwards.

Double 7s[edit]

"The gateway vanities"

An entry point for the Triple 7s below, these qualities have their unique texts cap at Level 77.

  • : Starved Men are occasionally glimpsed in the streets of London. They are polite, constrain their anatomical eccentricities to within London's tastes, and don't shape anyone or anything else without express permission
  • : Your very soles are attuned to Treachery. Should the lights go out and all laws flee, you will get where you are going
  • : Explosives expedited with élan

Triple 7s[edit]

"Jackpot!"

These are true vanities, really only giving personal satisfaction. Certain accumulating qualities have level descriptions (known as QLDs), changing based on the level of that quality. As a recurring theme in the game, qualities like that reach their final description at level 777. (As 7 Is the number, after all.) The difficulty of raising these range from 1 action/level to every point being card based or costing 70-75 E . New ones tend to appear. Being the first to reach such a level, and getting to personally record the QLD on the wiki, has some prestige in and of itself, however.

  • : Your historical theories are foundational, ubiquitous, inescapable, ironclad
  • : Who rules the waters? At last there is an answer. The horrors of the zee cower from your hull's creeping shadow
  • : You are a Pirate-King of legend. Your name will go down in history among the zee's chiefest terrors
  • (FATE): An unparalleled practitioner of potable philosophy
  • : Your reputation in the Magistracy of the Evenlode makes you the Neath's foremost practitioner of borderland law
  • : Dirigible pilots unconsciously divert their flight paths around wherever you happen to be standing
  • : Your crate acquisitions at the Blind Helmsman would supply cities and bankrupt moderate-sized corporations
  • : Your Parabolan hunts are legend. The courtiers of the Red-Handed Queen have been known to lurk and watch the sport
  • : No biographical encyclopedia ever written suffices to catalog all the alternate identities you've foisted on the world
  • : The Carpenter's Granddaughter has given more lectures than there are false-stars in the sky, and you have attended every one
  • : A handful of visitors have come all the way from the Surface to dine at your table
  • : You have become one of the Powers of Parabola
  • : You have painted so many paintings that you are singly blamed for the Great Canvas Shortage of 1899
  • : Your skeletal reconstructions grace every spare corner in London
  • : Yours are the hands at the tiller of public consciousness, and the city follows your direction
  • : Thanks to your relentless perpetration of forgeries and deceptions, genuine evidence is difficult to find in London, and entire encyclopaedia articles are based upon the fruits of your imagination
  • : In the fading scintillack shimmer, the game is the same; only the pieces have changed. You are a Grandmaster, playing a long game towards dissolution
  • : Your former students could populate their own corner of London
  • : Your laboratory's reputation is known even in the High Wilderness

An external player-written guide to grinding these qualities is available here.

Faction Renown 55[edit]

"Known to All"

Has Guide: Factions (Guide)

Faction Renown ceases to be of much use after 40 (at which point they provide a unique item). However the maximum Renown is 55 in each case. Why? To please the completionists, perhaps. And at 50, each has its unique final QLD!

The trick here is that Raising Renown requires higher and higher base stats. The levels above 50 (when the stat requirements goes above 300) will most likely require a Mood to be reachable and those are Rare. You won't have time to get the same Favours in an hour while it lasts. Not to mention that at this point you almost need two sets of Favours for a single level! You'll have plenty of time collecting Favours while you wait for Mood cards!

  • : For better or for worse, the world will never create as it did before you came along
  • : They say you are the spirit of the Law
  • : They say it was you who stole the Sun
  • : Book of Everlasting Chimes 2:39: And know the name in London, for it is written
  • : The Thirteenth Month in the Calendar
  • : OTHATHAROOTH!
  • : It is said that Her Imperial Highness has spoken your name
  • : The Church has already reasoned how to canonise you after your death
  • : They say your veins run thick with gold and salt.
  • : You are the pawn who reached D8
  • : When you don the bandages, they will chant your name
  • : They say you are a stalwart champion of all urchins. They also continue to refer to you as 'Oi!'

With the Corsair update, a new quality was released. Although not strictly Renown in the traditional sense, it caps at 55 as well, and as such warrants inclusion on this list given its similarity.

  • : Known to all as the Left Hand of Prophecy

Citizen of the Hinterland City[edit]

You are officially no longer London's responsibility.

Has Guide: The City of the Tracklayers (Guide)

Play through the story of the City in Silver, and then, with 10,000 , 60 , and 25 , you can become a . Fallen London? Psh. For you, now the game is Fallen [Ealing/Barrow/Rebel's/Masters'/Pilgrims'/Steward's/Lily] [Bluff/Acropole/Citadel/Pinnacle/Stovepipe/Kiln/Unionville/Tracktown/Flat/Cautery/Transplant/Stronghold/Hybrid/Cross/Strain/Hollow/Absence/Analgesic/Mandible/Scapula/Jawbone/Femur/Thighbone/Balljoint/Marrowbone/Stockbone/Tendon/Outopos/Antipolis/Countertown/Dawn/Commencement/Counter-Commune/Erewhon/Erewhyna/Relondon/Post-House/Crossroads/Refuge/Lighthouse/Hostelry/Inn/Bethlehem/Embassy/Rest]!

Being a citizen of the City, of course, has no uses. Though if that's not enough to show your dedication to the Tracklayer's Union and the Creditor, there is one further vanity...

A Worker in the Common Cause[edit]

"Ah; how very unlikely – a Revolutionary railway baron."

Has Guide: The City of the Tracklayers (Guide)

is a Renown-like quality that can only be raised on three cards in the Tracklayers' City deck, and only by one CP at a time. Those cards are The Housing Market, Mouths to Feed, and either Developing Infrastructure or Participate in construction efforts, depending on your current .

Other than unlocking the ability to become a Citizen as described above, this quality has no uses. It gets its final level description at 50. That requires drawing one of the above cards and playing their respective option at total of 1,275 times.

Newspaper[edit]

Has Guide: Publishing a Newspaper (Guide)

The newspaper has 3 vanity qualities related to it, which reach their final description at level 10. Except from an option regarding requiring 3, these qualities have no use and reaching level 10 in all 3 requires publishing 165 editions.

  • : The only source of truth
  • : How high does this go?
  • : An unmatched circulation
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